TO TALK TO A GIRL (ADDRESSED TO SHY YOUNG PEOPLE)
I was 17 years old and suddenly I saw her, it was a surprise. She was with a female friend and I was with a friend; the four of us were walking. She was probably the prettiest girl I had ever seen: skinny, with long but wavy hair, an almost perfect face, and she was laughing with her friend. From that day on all I wanted was to be her friend, but I had no idea how.
Nowadays, after so many years, I think it would have been easy to be her friend. Being her boyfriend was something else, but being her friend, for sure. From my point of view, to start talking to a girl you need the following:
- Change our attitude: Most videos, articles or books that recommend a certain attitude, describe this attitude and then invite you to put it into practice; but they don’t take into account how difficult it can be for a boy to behave like that. As we all know, theory is one thing and practice is another. For sociable, friendly or extroverted boys this does not represent any problem, but there are many young people who are precisely the opposite: they are shy, lonely, they only have male friends and very few female friends. I speak from my own experience because I remember very well how I felt when I was walking next to that girl; the idea of talking to her like that, right off the bat, didn’t even cross my mind. I wanted someone to introduce us or something like that. Subconsciously I thought that speaking to her on my own was completely out of my reach. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Behaving in a way that is not our own can be terribly difficult, but I believe that something can be done about it.
2) Consider this as a problem that has a solution. Approach the matter paying close attention to the advantages we have. A great advantage is that you are with her in the same group, for example that you are both studying at the same university, or in the same school, or that she is your co-worker, or that you are both at a party or at some event, or that you live in the same neighborhood, etc.
Young university students in a class
3) Take advantage of another advantage you have: you can, in advance, think or prepare many questions with which you can start the conversation. I know you’re thinking: “Start the conversation, how easy that is to say!” I know very well how difficult it can be, I have lived it, but I am going to give you some examples to illustrate this point:
Example 1: I was in a bar (tended by pretty girls) with two friends and one of them told me, very melancholy: “How I wish I knew that girl’s name.” This girl was not the one who was serving us but another of the waitresses. As soon as my friend told me that I raised my hand and called the girl my friend was referring to. She came over and I asked her what time they closed; she told me what time they closed and then I asked her name. We talked a few more things and when the girl left to serve another customer, I told my friend: “Served.”
Pretty girl serving in a bar
I did what I am saying a few years ago, but I confess that when I was young I would never have done it, because I never raised the issue this way. I didn’t have anyone to teach me by example, and frankly speaking, a shy young man is always afraid of making a fool of himself, as was my case.
But what does it mean to make a fool of yourself? If you think about it, everyone in this world has, at some point, made a fool of themselves. And what happened? Absolutely nothing. There are even people who laugh when they “make a fool of themselves,” and it is not a nervous laugh but a sincere laugh, a laugh just like that of the people who have looked at it, because they understand that it can happen to anyone; no one is perfect*.
But, analyzing this case, how could I make a fool of myself by asking the girl what time they close? That, for example, is a safe question because it asks for a specific answer, but with that question, you have already started talking to the girl. When I raised my hand calling her, I didn’t know what I was going to ask her and when she was walking towards me the time thing occurred to me, but there were many other questions I could ask her: if they sold that brand of beer, if they opened on Sundays, if they sold food, how much a bottle of wine cost, etc. As you can see, if you think about all this beforehand, you are in an advantageous position.
Example 2: I was near my house cleaning my car and a nice girl passed by walking her dog and I said: “Excuse me, a question: how many times do you take your dog outside a day” (the truth is that when I I saw the girl approaching, I started thinking about what I could ask her and when I saw the little dog, it gave me the idea.) She answered three times and I told her that the little dog that was in my house was taken out twice, and then I asked her the name of her little dog, giving her little dog a few compliments and I talked with her for a while. When you ask a well-posed question, it’s hard to make a fool of yourself and, fortunately, there are very few girls who will respond indifferently. What’s more, when I was young I met a very pretty girl (a little older than me), we became friends and she told me that it bothered her that the boys just stared at her and didn’t talk to her; she preferred the boys to talk to her rather than stare at her like fools.
Girl walking her dog
Example 3: I was in a store, looking for a gift for a female coworker for “Secret Santa,” because it was December. I had no idea what to give her. And in that I see a pretty girl. Without thinking much about it (because if you think about it a little, you’ll get discouraged) I said: “Excuse me, I’m looking for a gift for a female co-worker, because of Secret Santa, but I don’t know what to give her, could you help me?” She answered: “of course” and I said: “will these perfumes be okay?” And she, laughing a little, said: “those are for men.” Finally she recommended me some colognes for after bathing.
Woman selling perfumes in Navarro store
Example 4: In college I was taking two courses in which there was a pretty girl. One’s hours were 2 to 4 p.m. and the other from 6 to 8 p.m., the same day. And it so happened that I missed a six o’clock class. Since I needed to catch up on the missed class, the following week, when the 2 to 4 course ended, I approached the girl and said: “Excuse me, you are in the Mathematical V course, right?” She answered yes and then I asked to borrow her notebook to copy the class, which she gladly did. And we became friends. This can be a great excuse to start a conversation with a girl who is studying with you.
After reading these four examples, I think you will agree with me that talking to a girl is not something that is so impossible. Returning to step 1, it is good to get out of your head the idea that talking to a girl (by yourself) is something impossible.
These are not the only advantages you can count on. Depending on the circumstances, the place and the moment, just be a little attentive, be observant and take advantage of the right moment (and don’t think about it too much, just do it). I remember that an actor told in an interview how he met his wife: the two were traveling on a bus (they had never met before) and it was terribly hot and he bought some cans of ice cold soda (without her seeing) and almost surprisingly, he offered her a can, which the girl liked like a glove. There are many examples and perhaps you can create one too.
And if something slightly funny happens, don’t hesitate to smile. Apart from relaxing and relieving tension, a smile makes any face more pleasant. And finally, don’t be discouraged if the girl responds with indifference; as I already mentioned, there are very few girls who will behave like this. The vast majority of them also want to have more friends.
*Reflecting on why I was so afraid of “making a fool of myself,” I have come to the conclusion that it was because I judged people when they “made a fool of themselves.” With an example you can understand better: I was on a bus and one of the passengers tried to open a window because it was very hot. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t, it seems that the mechanism was stuck. I thought: “what a fool.” But who was I to judge him? He was no fool, on the contrary, he tried, which is what counts; he did something to try to alleviate the situation. He had no way of knowing that the mechanism was stuck. Many people will find all this incredible, but I assure you that it is true, that this is how it happened. Many years later, when I realized that I shouldn’t be judging people, I stopped thinking that when I failed at something, everyone was looking at me, judging me, disapproving me, and I let the matter go and I didn’t remember it again.
REFERENCES: For the article: none. For photos: internet.
